Live-in CHILD

Supreme Court will change the Indian social landscape. Steven and Stephen illustrated in their book Freakonomics, Michigan (or some other state) has less number of crimes because of the legalization of abortion for teenagers in 1970s (due to which there were less number of orphans). Our politicians will keep mud slinging on each other, over women reservations, dalits, temples, mosques, elephants, parks, names to be dedicated, without trying to look at the social fabric and taking the nation away from its old parochial systems.

Picture: (Maybe John and Bipasha are the icons of live-in relationship)

Supreme Court was loud and clear in the case of actress Khushboo. Article 21 of Constitution gives Right to Life, Fundamental Right. Two adults can stay together under one roof without any (registered) relationship, as they wish to. The Court’s lambasted the system for taking complaints against the actress, for her remarks on pre-marital relationship. We are not talking about morality or principles. It’s an individual’s choice, whether to marry or live-in. “Lord Krishna and Radha lived together”, the Court stated.

The Law needs to incorporate these changes and perhaps move a step forward towards registration of live-in relationships. Long live-in relationships as good as marriage was ruled in another ruling. Of course, this path was taken when the relationship lead to reproduction. But now, the case of reproduction has taken us to the next level. Why is it that a man and a woman require a stamp to prove their relationship? Perhaps for the following.

A man is denying his alleged relationship with his live-in partner with whom after living for years together and a baby, he denies any role in reproduction of the baby. What is the fault of the little angel for the choices, two individuals make in their life? Or perhaps realizes he was born by mistake. The female wants compensation from her man for the upkeep of the child. I hope Supreme Court will more likely rule in the lady’s favour.

Shouldn’t such men be ostracized from the society?

Women have choices under such circumstances. Whether to dump the man or accept him?

What Priety Zinta portrayed in movie, Kya Kehna in early 2000 is seeking society’s acceptance and demands not be banished but to be appreciated.

In my teens, after watching movie, I repeated the movie promotions to everybody, “kya app sochte hai, priya (Priety’s protagonist in the movie) ne jo kiya, woh theek kiya” (You believe what Priyadid was right). Most of the people wore an astonished expression. And then would smile/laugh at the stupid question of the youngster. But the question is there and we should have an answer for the question, whether we get or do not get into such kind of situation?

When our economy is growing, our society should also grow, to result in overall Development of the Nation.

The answer, do watch the movie?

As for the case, asking and taking the compensation is the most important aspect. Whether or not to use the money is the woman’s choice.

Legalization

Legalise prostitution if you can't curb it, SC tells Govt.

The Supreme Court Wednesday asked the Centre whether it can legalise prostitution if it is not possible to curb it with punitive measures.

"When you say it is the world's oldest profession and when you are not able to curb it by laws, why don't you legalise it? You can then monitor the trade, rehabilitate and provide of medical aid to those involved in the trade," a bench of Justice Dalveer Bhandari and Justice A K Patnaik told Solicitor General Gopal Subramaniam.

Prostitution is the oldest profession of this world, even SC has reiterated it. Why is it called a profession? One of my friends had said, “If Ved Vatsyayna is referred to as Ved then prostitution can be called as a profession”. It’s difficult to parallel the two. Traditionally it maybe a profession, but within the confines of the law and the society, it is an illegal business. Slavery was first criticized and then abolished as they said you cannot trade human beings. Prostitution is illegal and punishable under IPC (Indian Penal Code) for the one who pays and the one who receives money.

It is not that the Law is not capable to curb this activity. Exploitation of human being is one of the gravest crimes on earth and that too, because of their SEX, demands our urgent attention to the issue. The Law Enforcers are not willing to curb this activity. There is no woman on this Earth who would like to enter this profession by choice. Perhaps there may be few who have no option or may be a convenient way for survival. Add to that the extreme poverty conditions of India. In certain tribal/rural areas, parents are forced to sell one of their daughters to ensure the other children do not die due to hunger. Of course, we cannot justify/argue destroying a person’s life, it is simply unacceptable. Govt. needs to attack the hunger of the poor or maybe the parents. The list of poverty and its consequences are dire in this country.

(A prostitute lifts her skirt)

But then it is an equally popular trade in developed nations, where Govt. even takes the responsibility of the unemployed. Various developed countries have tried to curb this activity by different means, wherein they have worked on the premise that women are victims and we need to show compassion towards their plight. In one of the European country, the legislation says anybody found paying for receiving any favours in sexual activity shall be held punishable, on the same hand it does not talks about wrong doing in the hands of the receiver. It is one of the positive aspects of this Law. But then does this help us in finding the solution? Not really, it may have exacerbated the problems of the sex workers in some other manner.

For every woman engaged/forced into profession, she is supporting more than two human beings on her earnings. Two (human beings) is a conservative figure, it may be her family or the pimp who represents her or police officer who demand bribes from them. Scan through the classifieds of any Mumbai local newspaper, one will know how easy it is to run this business. It is this casualness, which is harming the society. My cab driver took me through the Kamatipura area, the red-light district conditions of Mumbai. Not to mention, the whole area of Grant Road running till Kamatipura is such poverty stricken and it runs a chill in your spine, when you contrast it to Colaba, Nariman Point which are just stone throw away (by Bombay standards) from this area. A child walks upto my window in a moving cab albeit at snail pace and asks, “saab maal chahiye”. I wanted to tell him, you are talking about a human being. Show some respect to your existence, if not them. Within seconds, he markets all types of girls, by their origin, colour, age. I was shouting to my cabdriver, move fast and we are stuck in traffic. Politely I tell him NO, coz there was no point preaching. I was clutching fast to the window handle and rotating it with both hands to push the glass up. Imagine what that child will become when he grows up? I don’t know, if he was pushing for his mother or on behalf of his father (who may be a pimp) or born like that, that even his mother had absolutely no idea what his father might look like.

Supreme Court gave their comments on the PIL filed by an NGO Bachpan Bachao Andolan and the intervention application moved by Childline complaining about large scale child trafficking in the country. We need to save these children and give them their childhood back. SC questions, Why don’t you legalize it?

One of our law faculty had said, “Society exists because of Law”.
Legalizing prostitution will help the society. It is difficult to say, when we should be trying to help the sex workers and flee away from this menace and try to make our society a better place to live, where everybody is respected and not sleeps for few pieces of green paper. Legalizing means we have presumed and submitted that prostitution cannot be eradicated from our society.

But then legalization does have its benefits for the sex workers. They can call themselves as sex workers and not always abused at. It will stop the exploitation. They will be given few rights in their hands which they are now deprived of.

(A street of Kamathipura)

Perhaps the present legal structure needs to be restructured to give them equal rights of a human being or as a citizen of India. The structure at the same time, should probably throw an idea or a path to help the victims who have been forced into this activity to leave this profession and lead a life where sex is not an object or means to earn livelihood. It remains just as an expression of love.

377: Is it about Legality or Societal issue?

The abolition of Article 377 in IPC was seen as the next step towards India’s modernisation in terms of culture and economic. Though we are a little late in adopting the latest sexual communities/taboos of the world but finally yes we are ready for it. I have a doubt, if the tradition of sati was still practiced in India then who will run to fire for whom. Do we really feel that a change in legal constraint has meant that they are liberated? Personally I don’t have anything against homosexuals/heterosexuals/bisexual/bestiality. It is a personal choice of every person. Besides they say Love knows no boundaries, no expressions. Its just a feeling. At times, I really wish to feel such kind of feeling from a guy. But sorry, females are very lovely creatures, I don’t wish to ditch them.

Our Constitution says all men and women are equal, irrespective of their name, sex, caste, colour, creed, etc. The reason for introduction of this Fundamental Right was to eliminate the differences prevalent in Indian society against women. But this is probably the first time, men were asking for their right in India. Lesbian was/is less vulnerable than gay. The expressions of feelings and love in gayhood were/are illegal.

At times, I feel Indian society is more open than westerners. If two men are going arm in arm in streets, nobody in India would look at them with suspicion. But in western world, it is symbolic for the liberation of lovers from the same sex. One of my friends, who visited Australia around 2000 had put an arm around his friends’ shoulder. His friend shouted and instructed him to walk five feet from him. They were not gays’. My friend was not able to interpret him at that time. As the saying goes, Ignorance is Bliss.

Nobody in India has really big concerns about being homosexual. There are many who don’t understand it. One of my colleagues was extremely flustered at the abolition of Article 377 and said, they should not be allowed to be in open. They should remain in their closet. But he forget that you cannot hide your identity in your closet. Similarly they also wish to be recognized as normal people but have tendency and likeness to love the person of same sex.

We have August Kranti Parade on 16th August for gay pride and acceptability of their culture. The only issue in India is that men are very frustrated. I know a lot of my friends aged 20 to 25, who have never touched a female or felt a female. They wish too, but they are not able too and there are too many if’s and but’s for no reason. They are not ready to play with prostitutes. Given their mindset and conditions, they have more tendencies to become gay (if provoked) out of frustration.

I would like to know the reasons for people opposing against the rules of the game. The Jagao and Sulayo Organizations are always motivated by the some regional, state and central political parties/organizations.

We need not change the mindset of the people opposing to homosexuals. We need a complete overhaul of the system. In 1947, Hindustan revolted against British. So many stories and theories exist of liberation, separation and freedom for a country, be it America even. But the societal boundaries that are creeping up in our system, I really wonder who is going to rescue us from the same.

Still there is light at the end of the tunnel, there are people like this woman who are trying to do something different for the society than revolting to change legal guidelines on how to love and make love.


A website for transwomen.

After numerous matrimonial websites, here comes a marriage portal for transwomen (transgenders who have successfully undergone sex reassignment surgery - SRS). The website http://www.thirunangai.net was recently launched by Sahodari Foundation of Chennai.

Sahodari Foundation is founded and headed by Kalki Subramanian, who recently underwent SRS. The idea came about when many transwomen friends of Kalki tried to put up their profiles in popular matrimonial websites. The portals promptly threw out the profiles. The portals were not comfortable with the gender orientation of the applicant that clearly stated that the applicant had "successfully become a woman through surgery".

This prompted Kalki to launch an exclusive site for transwoman.
The website has been launched to find a perfect, trustworthy husband who will treat the transwoman with love, affection care and above all treat the transwoman with dignity, equality as well as respect. The site also encourages couples to have a family through adoption with the total support of the husband.

Some tips for Arranged marriage

Arranged marriage
There are times in a person’s life when he needs to take crucial decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life. She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.

Some of the questions that crop up are –
 What sort of a girl do I marry?
 Will she adjust in my family?
 How can I decide on a girl by just meeting her for a few times?
 When should I get married?
 This is my life. So, I should choose the girl I marry, but then what if I make a mistake?
…. so on and so forth…
I will try to address these & many more questions in the following sections.

The Nine Rules of Arranged marriage

Rule 1 – Magic no. 28
In an ideal scenario, a girl goes to college at the age of 18. By the time she graduates, goes for her post graduation and/ or works for 1-2 years, she will be about 23- 24. This means that she has spent about 5 years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she would meet many smart guys at college or during her first few years on job. So, in all probability it would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs. Secondly, in Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl’s to get married by the time they become 24-25.

Statistics says that there is a generation gap after every 5 years. So, in such scenario, one would prefer to marry a girl who is about 3-4 years younger to you. Thus, working backwards, an ideal age for a guy to get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the better it is.

Well, as we all know, in the current market scenario, there will never be stability in our career. So, I believe there is no such thing as, “I will marry when I settle down”.

Rule 2 -- Subset of marriage-able girls
At times you hear statements like, “I am not getting the right match, I will look after 3 months, I will find a better match then”. Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of unmarried girl looking for a match is fixed. From this subset, there would be girls who would get married & there would be new girls added who would be looking for a match. The net result is that at any given time, the variety & number of marriage-able girls are fixed.

Rule 3 – Competition for girls
Like all other facets of life, there is lot of competition for good girls. In my own case, I was rejected by girls. So, if you are looking for a girl who is post graduate, done her Engg, is working, very beautiful, smart, from a good family etc. etc, just think again. There are other guys who are also looking for similar girls & probably they are better off than you in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every guy would like to marry Aishwarya Rai, but then for all Ashs in the world, there are many Salman Khans who also want to marry them. So, set your expectations accordingly.

Rule 4 -- Understanding girls
You would have met a lot of people during your life. As we all know, its difficult to judge a person based on a few meetings. I am sure you would agree with me that in case of girls it is even more difficult to understand them in a few meetings. I am still trying to understand my wife… ;-)..

Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then how do you select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where you need to take the help of your parents/ friends & latest technologies like email/ chat to choose your girl.

Rule 5 – Society expectation
The selection process is tough on every one who is involved in the process. In arranged marriage, involvement of family & society is pretty high. You can’t meet a girl 3-4 times & then say no to her. It is bad for her future. So, you should have a good short-listing criterion. Meet only a few girls & be sure what you are looking for. It is for the benefit of everyone involved.

Rule 6 -- Marriage between equals
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you also marry into the girl’s family. In arranged marriages, family support plays a major role in ensuring a successful marriage. This is where the compatibility of social status, family values & caste/ religion plays a major role. Its important to note that in case there is a perfect match between the two families, the marriage is destined to succeed.

Rule 7 – Know yourself
Unlike love marriage, in arranged marriage you first marry a person & then fall in love. So, it’s very important that you do a self-assessment on the kind of person you would love. They say, “Opposite attract”, while they also say, “Bird of same feather flock together”. So, you take a call on what sort of person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind of attributes you are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally have the looks of Sonia, the style of Monica, the voice of Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will certainly not find the perfect girl, but then you would have a good idea of what you are looking for. The secret here is to set some minimum criteria for selection. Don’t forget rule no.3 here.

Rule 8 -- Girl’s Beauty
A girl’s looks attract, but then no one wants to end up marrying a dumb blonde. It is like buying your bike. When you initially buy it, you are crazy about the looks, but later on you love it for its reliability, fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a girl’s looks are important, but then it should not be the most important criteria. Later on it life, you will get bored of her looks. It is then that her personality & behavior will make all the difference to your marriage. I am sure your parents will be able to advice you a lot better on this topic.

Rule 9 -- Taking advice
As I have mentioned in the next rule, it’s very important that the final decision on whom to marry must necessarily be yours. However, don’t do the mistake of isolating yourself from the world while planning your marriage. Discuss with your parents & very close friends on this issue. They are your well wishers. Secondly, in such important matters its necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I am not suggesting that you follow others’ advice, but don’t forget to take their advice.

Rule 10 -- Own decision
All said & done, it’s your marriage & your life that is at stake. Once you are married, you & your wife are the only persons who will be facing the music. Don’t marry a girl just because your parents or friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if things don’t work out & you end up saying, “It’s because of my friends or my parents that I married you”, then your marriage is destined for disaster. If the girl is of your choice, it is you who will be responsible for whatever happens. That’s when the marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that you marriage the girl of your choice.

How to approach the selection process?
From the day, a person decides to get married; the selection process takes a minimum of 3 months.

The whole process needs a lot of patience & commitment. The ideal steps to be followed are:
Definition phase -- Define the minimum criteria for the kind of life partner you are looking for in terms of education, physical appearance, social status, family values, future career plans.

Remember the Rule 3 here.
Lead Generation phase -- Place ads in various newspapers, magazines, websites, through friends, family friends, family societies & association etc. You need to exhaust all possible means of getting biodatas at one go. Remember the Rule 2 here.

Short listing phase – Based on your selection criteria, short-list the interesting biodatas. The general process followed for correspondence is as follows:
 The initiator sends a one page profile of himself/ herself
 Based on the profile, the receiver sends his/her one page profile along with request for detailed profile, photo, horoscope
 The initiator then sends the requested information along with a request for similar information
 The receiver send similar information
 If the biodata is selected, it is passed over to the next phase
 Casual interaction phase – Based on shortlisting, about 7 to 10 biodatas are taken forwarded to this phase. The next step to follow here is to exchange email/ chat ids. The guy & the girl then interact for 10 – 15 days to try & judge mutual compatibility through email/ chat.
 Family interaction phase – Based on the earlier phase, about 5 leads are taken for consideration in this phase. During this phase, the parents get involved & check the background information about the families to find mutual compatibility.
 The dating phase – Based on the earlier phase about 3 leads are taken forward to this phase. During this phase, the guy & the girl interact by going out alone for 2-3 times. The guy needs to prepare a set of simple questions like who is your favorite star, what are your hobbies? He needs to use his judgment to analyze the girl based on her responses.
 The D-day phase – Finally, the D-day comes when the guy has to select the girl he wants to spend his life with. If the process if followed systematically, there will be no ambiguity in deciding who should be your life partner.

Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about compromises. In spite of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of uncertainties in a marriage. In fact this is the best part about marriage. Just remember that the person you marry must be of your choice. In such case, there would be no going back for both of you.

A few words of advice: To make your marriage a success; just believe in the age-old virtue,
“Never do anything to others that you don’t like for yourself”.
Enjoy the selection process, it is fun…. ;-) ..

Hypocrisy of the Media

Ramu’s sick joke
Must have read the above story on August 4, 2009 in Mumbai Mirror, in which the media objects to the marketing strategy of the upcoming movie of Ramgopal Varma (RGV), Agyaat as a Sick Joke, wherein the producers have hung a dummy of a dead man on the posters of their movie, Agyaat. People thought it’s a dead body and complain to Police about the same. Police remove the dummy man from the poster and only then they realize it’s a dummy. What can you say about RGV, who is a self-confessed Howard Roark? Who has made his to the top his way and who still likes to follow his way and believes every person should follow his/her own way in life rather than aping others. Such path is said and taken by people who are genius. Yes they are, they do pose a danger to the society. Although I personally do believe in what RGV says.

Last Thursday, July 30, 2009 Mumbai Mirror published the story on the negligence of the construction companies in Mumbai and how badly it had damaged the eye of one of the passers-by on the road near the construction site. The scam these construction companies are running in Mumbai is out of the question. Mumbai Mirror may or might be doing some stories on them. Well what can you say to the construction companies to take care of the amenities in and around the site and need to show civil obedience and corporate responsibility while undertaking such tasks? They are not able to provide protective gear to their workers which is mandatory under different legislations like Factories Act and Workers Act. It will be inappropriate from our side to expect that they will maintain the civil obedience.

The most disturbing element was not the contention of the Story but the cover page Picture. The cover Page Picture is so disturbing and sickening that children might get frightened looking at the image. Media should act responsibly and take some responsibility for their actions. They cannot hold the whole nation to the ransom to their vested interests.

The picture of the same female in the inner sections of the page is not that harrowing. I can understand her pain and suffering. In other ways, some people may appreciate the photography quality and idea of the picture to show the pain she is going through and the injustice and indifference shown by the industrial/construction companies towards the common public.

If you feel or believe that media was justified in its action/reaction to Ram Gopal Varma. We need to think about ourselves and our nation. Media owes a responsibility to the society for its actions. It creates the perceptions in the society.

But then what do we make out of the hypocritic attitude of media, which uses any person/incident to its fancy. The way they can mileage and score few brownie points.