'Semi Boyfriend' or DTR

Reproduced from www.timesofindia.com
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life/relationships/man-woman/Semi-boyfriend-DTR-/articleshow/5568943.cms

It's that time of the year. Love is in the air, on the cards, in your face, everywhere. Except where it's meant to be. Going by the lingo that's popular these days, that crazy lil' thing called love is all set to be e-dumped ...

IT'S COMPLICATED

When butterflies flutter in two stomachs and even friendly high fives send electric shocks to the heart, how does one explain the status when there is no official acknowledgement or exchange of the L-word ?

The creators of Facebook should be given a medal for pioneering a clever answer to this perplexing question: It's Complicated. The best part is that it's open-ended and can take any meaning you'd like it to take. In fact, it's probably more versatile than Naseeruddin Shah. Not only can it articulate the ambiguous state between friendship and being in a relationship, it can also be used to indicate that a relationship is in the gutter. For some pathetic relationship addicts, it's a perfect cover when they're afraid of being called single.

SEMI-BOYFRIEND /GIRLFRIEND

This relationship status is based on Newton's first law of inertia. It is usually used to denote a potential girlfriend or boyfriend. The potential could have risen from one-sided love and, in some cases, two-sided lust. The semi-boyfriend / girlfriend could be a great friend who you care about, but are not horribly attracted to. It's not unimaginable to see yourself with the semi-boyfriend /girlfriend. It's a stage defined by contemplation, where you're constantly in two minds. "He's a lovely person but might not be the one, she's a great girl but I might look better with someone hotter." Experts say that if this stage exceeds its trial period, there is danger of it never ending.

DTR (DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP)

DTR is the dream of every smitten semiboyfriend /girlfriend. It's when cuddly movies and cosy dinners are interrupted by 'the conversation' . It's usually a loaded exercise of compartmentalisation. Are we friends? Are we friends with benefits? Or are we seeing each other? The idea is to provide clarity on the relationship status and especially on the issue of monogamy. DTR could sneak up on you anywhere: in the parking lot, in a packed party and even a movie theatre. Experts say that the highest number of instances have been recorded at sit-down dinners. There's nothing romantic about it, it's pure negotiation.

GOING UNSTEADY

Back in the 1990s, 'going steady' was a wideeyed expression to suggest that two people were seeing each other. The fact that the college stud mostly rode a bike gave it all the more legitimacy. Some mummies and aunties still love to sprinkle gossip with 'going steady' .

But we are now in 2010 and you're more likely to hear 'Going Unsteady' . It's the logical opposite of 'going steady' , and translates into a relationship being on the rocks and is usually the sequel to 'It's Complicated' . It's an announcement of the possibility of opening up to other options to make sure that the exboyfriend and ex-girlfriend are on their toes.

SHE'S HYPHENATED

How does one tell whether a woman is single or married? No need to rudely stare at her chest in search of a mangalsutra or grab her hand to check if she's wearing a ring. Just ask her name. Gitanjali Shah-Chopra ? Dude, she's hyphenated. Time to make a run for the nearest door. More and more married women today love to add a double barrel in their names: name, maiden surname-husband's surname. The noble cause behind the widespread hyper hyphenation is to not lose one's maiden individuality, but it's also doubling up as a handy tool for ring detection.

NEAR-SIGHTED DATE

When the search for a soulmate went virtual, the erstwhile blind date was elbowed out by the nearsighted date. Now prospective lovers would rather spend time enlarging thumbnail display pictures than rely on imagination and God's grace. When two people who have been flirting online finally meet face to face, the guy doesn't need to be wearing a red tie to be spotted in the crowd and the girl can also leave her red dress at home. But even if the intention is to induce the love bug, several near-sighted daters have reported that it could lead to disappointment because of misleading documentation. In one case, the profile picture of a near-sighter was three years younger, 10 kg less and five hair colours old.

E-DUMP

This new-age phenomenon usually follows a nearsighted date gone wrong. Flirting is brought to an abrupt halt, suddenly the exnear-sighter is repulsive. That's when one ping is employed to pull the flush on the relationship. Sometimes, e-dump can also be expanded to include text messages.

Those who have been e-dumped say that this is the worst kind of dumping and e-dumpers don't have the courage to dump face-to-face and are afraid of confrontation. But several e-dumpers say that it's the simplest way to pull the plug on an unwanted relationship because it's simple, quick and doesn't involve tears.

ATTENTION WHORE

The Attention Whore is like the plague, can often spread through exposure to a contaminated person. Symptoms include being uncomfortable in situations where one is not the centre of attention, inappropriate sexual behaviour, bipolar display of emotions, self-dramatisation , animated expressions and considering relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.

In the online world, the status message is an important weapon of mass destruction and in the offline world, tools like physical intrusions into parallel conversations are commonly employed. Beware! The Attention Whore steps her game up in the run-up to Valentine's Day.

ENRAGEMENT RING

The enragement ring is a piece of jewellery, typically a ring, that is purchased for a girlfriend in an effort to make her happy after an ugly fight. It's whipped out when animosity is at its peak. It's produced when sweet gestures have been scoffed at and phone calls rudely cut. It's used when the only hope to salvage the situation is the enragement ring. Sometimes the enragement ring is embossed with a witty or snappy personal message. Enragement ring addicts swear that it works like a charm but the key is to not use it too often.

BUSINESS SHOWER

When you're married, employed and late for work, take a shower with your partner. This is not a recipe to get fired but just another byproduct in the age of DINKs. The business shower is about saving time (and water) and is entirely devoid of any sexual connotation. Two people zip into the bathroom, do their deal and zip out with equal ease and casualness. Romance can be kept on hold because a man's got to do what a man's got to do and a working woman's got to do the same.

Legalization

Legalise prostitution if you can't curb it, SC tells Govt.

The Supreme Court Wednesday asked the Centre whether it can legalise prostitution if it is not possible to curb it with punitive measures.

"When you say it is the world's oldest profession and when you are not able to curb it by laws, why don't you legalise it? You can then monitor the trade, rehabilitate and provide of medical aid to those involved in the trade," a bench of Justice Dalveer Bhandari and Justice A K Patnaik told Solicitor General Gopal Subramaniam.

Prostitution is the oldest profession of this world, even SC has reiterated it. Why is it called a profession? One of my friends had said, “If Ved Vatsyayna is referred to as Ved then prostitution can be called as a profession”. It’s difficult to parallel the two. Traditionally it maybe a profession, but within the confines of the law and the society, it is an illegal business. Slavery was first criticized and then abolished as they said you cannot trade human beings. Prostitution is illegal and punishable under IPC (Indian Penal Code) for the one who pays and the one who receives money.

It is not that the Law is not capable to curb this activity. Exploitation of human being is one of the gravest crimes on earth and that too, because of their SEX, demands our urgent attention to the issue. The Law Enforcers are not willing to curb this activity. There is no woman on this Earth who would like to enter this profession by choice. Perhaps there may be few who have no option or may be a convenient way for survival. Add to that the extreme poverty conditions of India. In certain tribal/rural areas, parents are forced to sell one of their daughters to ensure the other children do not die due to hunger. Of course, we cannot justify/argue destroying a person’s life, it is simply unacceptable. Govt. needs to attack the hunger of the poor or maybe the parents. The list of poverty and its consequences are dire in this country.

(A prostitute lifts her skirt)

But then it is an equally popular trade in developed nations, where Govt. even takes the responsibility of the unemployed. Various developed countries have tried to curb this activity by different means, wherein they have worked on the premise that women are victims and we need to show compassion towards their plight. In one of the European country, the legislation says anybody found paying for receiving any favours in sexual activity shall be held punishable, on the same hand it does not talks about wrong doing in the hands of the receiver. It is one of the positive aspects of this Law. But then does this help us in finding the solution? Not really, it may have exacerbated the problems of the sex workers in some other manner.

For every woman engaged/forced into profession, she is supporting more than two human beings on her earnings. Two (human beings) is a conservative figure, it may be her family or the pimp who represents her or police officer who demand bribes from them. Scan through the classifieds of any Mumbai local newspaper, one will know how easy it is to run this business. It is this casualness, which is harming the society. My cab driver took me through the Kamatipura area, the red-light district conditions of Mumbai. Not to mention, the whole area of Grant Road running till Kamatipura is such poverty stricken and it runs a chill in your spine, when you contrast it to Colaba, Nariman Point which are just stone throw away (by Bombay standards) from this area. A child walks upto my window in a moving cab albeit at snail pace and asks, “saab maal chahiye”. I wanted to tell him, you are talking about a human being. Show some respect to your existence, if not them. Within seconds, he markets all types of girls, by their origin, colour, age. I was shouting to my cabdriver, move fast and we are stuck in traffic. Politely I tell him NO, coz there was no point preaching. I was clutching fast to the window handle and rotating it with both hands to push the glass up. Imagine what that child will become when he grows up? I don’t know, if he was pushing for his mother or on behalf of his father (who may be a pimp) or born like that, that even his mother had absolutely no idea what his father might look like.

Supreme Court gave their comments on the PIL filed by an NGO Bachpan Bachao Andolan and the intervention application moved by Childline complaining about large scale child trafficking in the country. We need to save these children and give them their childhood back. SC questions, Why don’t you legalize it?

One of our law faculty had said, “Society exists because of Law”.
Legalizing prostitution will help the society. It is difficult to say, when we should be trying to help the sex workers and flee away from this menace and try to make our society a better place to live, where everybody is respected and not sleeps for few pieces of green paper. Legalizing means we have presumed and submitted that prostitution cannot be eradicated from our society.

But then legalization does have its benefits for the sex workers. They can call themselves as sex workers and not always abused at. It will stop the exploitation. They will be given few rights in their hands which they are now deprived of.

(A street of Kamathipura)

Perhaps the present legal structure needs to be restructured to give them equal rights of a human being or as a citizen of India. The structure at the same time, should probably throw an idea or a path to help the victims who have been forced into this activity to leave this profession and lead a life where sex is not an object or means to earn livelihood. It remains just as an expression of love.

Did you get it: Sex increases Performance

After winning the match against Pakistan, the sports expert asks, ‘So tell us Yuvraj, you had an amazing day, what is the secret behind scoring double century in a limited overs’ cricket game’. Yuvraj replies, ‘well our Coach gave us an advice couple of months back and now I got a chance to capitalize on it. The expert asks another one, ‘can you share that piece with cricket lovers’ and your fans’. Yuvraj replies, ‘I would like to thank my fans for their love and support’.

If it happens after few months, don’t be surprised as Indian Cricket Team Coach has urged Indian Cricket Stars to have SEX in order to improve their performance on field.

Our tabloids will report in future, Yuvraj had a threesome with African ad Russian chick for three hours prior to the match. He did not pump any iron on/off the field. All the hard work went into fielding on the bed side. All cricket rookies and experts will be seen carrying Kama Sutra, term it their Bible for success on and off the field.

BCCI’s office will be turned into a Playboy Mansion with the caption, “Indulgence for performance”. Don’t be surprised if you read this, entire Indian Cricket Team Coach has advised our team to have more sex to indulge (oh-sorry it’s not indulge but improve) on-field performance.

I don’t wish to comment on the fact of improvement of performance. But I do believe sex is very important element of our life and happiness, which is a social taboo in India. India is clearly a sex starved nation. But still Gary Kirsten has come out with interesting observations and also tried to justify the same. Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who produces dollars and that too lots of them with his shoes (yeah it’s millions and millions), has sex before he enters the football field. You can imagine, but in India, it is perceived over-indulgence makes a man weak. Don’t question in front of whom, whether it a woman or his body or may be both.

"From a physiological perspective, having sex increases testosterone levels, which cause an increase in strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness," the document said.

"Conversely, not having sex for a period of a few months causes a significant drop in testosterone levels in both males and females, with the corresponding passiveness and decrease in aggression."

"If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine," the document said.

"No pillow talk and no hugging required. Just roll over and go to sleep."

Enforced celibacy may also affect performance, the advice said.

"You may experience that your mind spends more time focusing on the fire in your groin than on good sport practice, preparation and sleep," the document said.

One of my professors in college said Indians are the biggest frustrated lechers in the world. Firangi people seem happier than Indians and have contentment and commitment to whatever they undertake. Because when they set off from home, they either drink beer/whisky or indulge in a quickie sex-bite. A man cannot ask anything more than that, if he gets one of them, he does not ask anything beyond that.

I guess this may be the theme/theory for advising an un-religious (as some may say), ostracized activity by society (esp. to talk if not in performance). I was expecting Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal, RSS or some political outfit to come out remind us of our Indian-ness.

Nevertheless, whether Indian cricket players indulge or not, their fans just want to see them hitting sixes, breaking the stumps and diving to drop catches. Last but not the least, they must win matches.

BATTLE OF THE SEXES

We have some very interesting conversations and discussion in our office. Knowing the fact that Capital Markets are not in an upbeat mode, so the topics generally range around the society and our magnanimous county, India. Today the topic of discussion was the man and woman and the treatment of both the sexes towards each other, the society and other related things we could squeeze in the limited time in office.

Before we start, I as a male, believe female is the fairer Sex and they are a superior sex over male and have definitely a superior status in the Society. A male is banished from all the luxuries of life, right from the time he is born. He is used as a cushion throughout his life, first by his mother, sister, then second stage of girlfriend to wife (all the women they meet in between), then comes the big thunder in-laws and his daughter. Why a man always finds himself being cornered is a simple question? A man cannot survive without a woman and he learns to live with her tears. So you know, a woman only dumps all her things on the next man she finds, father, brother, boyfriend, husband and son and at times on daughter-in-law also (albeit the mode may be different).

At the centre of the discussion are two women and two men. All aged between 25 to 30. Women were two fair looking females with their Corporate Suits and there files open on PC. Men are two typically Indian males with dark wheatish complexions standing with the screensaver dancing on their PCs.

The whole setup signifies women are more committed to the work than men. Men are laid-back but can be doubly productive than women, if required so. Women are always attentive. So why the hell are men privileged? Said the fairest of all, who has a sibling sister. I said you don’t understand that women are privileged. She has never stepped into a kitchen. There goes a small sample, both men are good cooks but from two women, only one knows how to cook.

I know there are too many issues dealing around women especially in a country like India. We need that get into it. Right now we are talking about mind-sets’ of sexes.

She said, “the society was sad to my family when I was born. No boy, you have second daughter to my mother. My parents said, so what beta ho ya beti, in today’s age it makes no difference.”

Believe me, whatsoever one may call it. But it does make a difference. Indian society is still backward, may be we have not moved much. As the economy and the status of an average Indian improves, it may not make a difference. But parents know that daughters accept name of somebody else and son shares their name. Bull shit, yeah somehow I also feel. But still it is one thing, which is slowly and slowly losing its value. Second is they can call their son anytime they wish or seek to, but not their daughter. This is again bull shit, she countered. Ask your parents and youngsters like me, think about yourself when you will be 55 – 60 years old.

Vansh kaun badhayega, said the other female. She is not that stereotypical types. Its just another bent of mind of Indians. There are set of Indians who feel so. Common man, your lineage is not that brilliant to be carried forward. Everybody will be equally happy even if even your filthy mind-set is not taken reproduced or taken forward.

I, somehow, can really relate to all such things. My father is the only educated person amongst his siblings. He has quite open views about women. He always made me wait for things but not my sister. Unlike my relatives who showered everything on their sons’. I never ever felt under-privileged rather enjoyed it. Men have to learn and live with this in future. Our unthought and unsound commands should always be debunked and scoffed at and woman should get those rights.

In Punjab, it is really important for a man and a woman to bear a SON. Come what may? Bhroon hatya (female foeticide), I don’t know if any of my uncles/aunt have done so. Many of them do possess the potential for the same. It is the way women look at women, which is deteriorating the society not because of men. Education is one thing which can really bring in the change. We need to really educate our women, that they should appreciate their existence. Without them, this world will be more peaceful but very dumb. Women make the world around us beautiful.

Somehow I always wonder, why I have seen so many versions of women while men have so less to reveal/conceal about themselves. May be God has created man and woman like this.