Friday, September 25, 2009

Did you get it: Sex increases Performance

After winning the match against Pakistan, the sports expert asks, ‘So tell us Yuvraj, you had an amazing day, what is the secret behind scoring double century in a limited overs’ cricket game’. Yuvraj replies, ‘well our Coach gave us an advice couple of months back and now I got a chance to capitalize on it. The expert asks another one, ‘can you share that piece with cricket lovers’ and your fans’. Yuvraj replies, ‘I would like to thank my fans for their love and support’.

If it happens after few months, don’t be surprised as Indian Cricket Team Coach has urged Indian Cricket Stars to have SEX in order to improve their performance on field.

Our tabloids will report in future, Yuvraj had a threesome with African ad Russian chick for three hours prior to the match. He did not pump any iron on/off the field. All the hard work went into fielding on the bed side. All cricket rookies and experts will be seen carrying Kama Sutra, term it their Bible for success on and off the field.

BCCI’s office will be turned into a Playboy Mansion with the caption, “Indulgence for performance”. Don’t be surprised if you read this, entire Indian Cricket Team Coach has advised our team to have more sex to indulge (oh-sorry it’s not indulge but improve) on-field performance.

I don’t wish to comment on the fact of improvement of performance. But I do believe sex is very important element of our life and happiness, which is a social taboo in India. India is clearly a sex starved nation. But still Gary Kirsten has come out with interesting observations and also tried to justify the same. Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who produces dollars and that too lots of them with his shoes (yeah it’s millions and millions), has sex before he enters the football field. You can imagine, but in India, it is perceived over-indulgence makes a man weak. Don’t question in front of whom, whether it a woman or his body or may be both.

"From a physiological perspective, having sex increases testosterone levels, which cause an increase in strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness," the document said.

"Conversely, not having sex for a period of a few months causes a significant drop in testosterone levels in both males and females, with the corresponding passiveness and decrease in aggression."

"If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine," the document said.

"No pillow talk and no hugging required. Just roll over and go to sleep."
Enforced celibacy may also affect performance, the advice said.

"You may experience that your mind spends more time focusing on the fire in your groin than on good sport practice, preparation and sleep," the document said.
One of my professors in college said Indians are the biggest frustrated lechers in the world. Firangi people seem happier than Indians and have contentment and commitment to whatever they undertake. Because when they set off from home, they either drink beer/whisky or indulge in a quickie sex-bite. A man cannot ask anything more than that, if he gets one of them, he does not ask anything beyond that.

I guess this may be the theme/theory for advising an un-religious (as some may say), ostracized activity by society (esp. to talk if not in performance). I was expecting Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal, RSS or some political outfit to come out remind us of our Indian-ness.

Nevertheless, whether Indian cricket players indulge or not, their fans just want to see them hitting sixes, breaking the stumps and diving to drop catches. Last but not the least, they must win matches.

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