Road to Shaadi

When I was a kid, everybody asked me, “what do you want to become in life?” I’d reply flashing my teeth, “papa”. Like every child, whose role models are his parents, I was way too flattered and excited at the authority my father commanded at home and in his professional life. Now 20 years hence -

Turning 25, 26 or 27 or perhaps 28, 29, 30, for those who are left out, is a vulnerable stage of your life, every single person you meet asks the same question, “SHAADI”. I sheepishly smile and question, “kiski”. The other person laughs and replies, “aapki”. I really enjoy such conversations wherein we turn the sides of the tables. Luckily I have a genuine excuse to evade such sorry queries, my elder brother is yet to get married, and I still have some time on my side. Why can’t we begin our conversations, with are you enjoying your life, your job, or are you trying to do something else in life? After marriage, the practical transition of question will be, “kids”, we do discuss and we do talk about it with our friends, relatives, colleagues, but I feel certain awkwardness about the same. Why can’t we let the other do, what he/she wants in life and when he/she wants? We need not force everybody through the same organic process of human existence. Actually, when everybody questions the same thing about your life, you are compelled, forced and pushed to the corner?

Now getting back to the whole Shaadi affair, our generation is sitting at crossroads and stuck between the older and the next generation of societal rules, rules which are broken but not shattered and rules which are yet in conception stage. Either we should be forced to marry with the boy/girl of our parents’ choice (like our parents did) or be allowed to decide the path of life on our own, wherein we hope to find somebody with whom we can share our life. Shaadi should be sharing our lives and not spending our lives. Don’t you feel, spending sounds burdensome?

While talking about the shaadi affair? If somebody says YES, I am in the process, then the next question, “How many?” Most of my friends have run through a dozen proposals. If the friend is a female, then it is two dozen or closer. Perhaps for the betterment of the society, men are facing more rejections these days than women.

To find a suitable person, those who feel, that yes we are in love and ready to respect and accept the responsibility of marriage, things are pretty easier for them, even convincing parents, if they are dead against the fact? This was hard part for Mr. Bhagat, but that is history.

Our parents are searching for a girl, who is educated (masters even if the son is matriculate), good looking (fair in complexion), knows cooking (dal, roti), wears jeans (rarely) and Indian wear with élan, and we are looking somebody who is smart (does not mean to be fair), intelligent (education helps but not the pre-requisite), working (maybe a diploma in fashion designing) or maybe wear a skirt, at times. Expectation mismatch from one person, how do we expect so much from a female? Ask the guy and his family, what are you willing to bring on the table.

If they are seeking a groom, he should be well educated (bachelors means highly educated), earning well (legal or illegal means), good looking (which is defined by his earnings), with strong values (no drinking or smoking) and the girl expects better educated than her, decent earning (respectable), handsome (this is controversial), good values (social drinking is fine). Again the definitions for the same person go for a toss.

The best part is parents’ like to seek their children’s consent for the same. It’s difficult to find the parents’ and children’s on the same plank or rather almost seems impossible to bring on the same plank. So that is why, things start working/moving after crossing the minimum number of 12/24 or whatever.

Here comes the harder part, young, single, independent, have been through flings, strings, affairs or maybe heart breaks, it is the same for both sexes. We all have been through our share, every person whom we meet adds to us as a human being, as a person. As we move ahead, we keep on adding the items to the ‘YES’ and ‘NO’ list for our marriage/life partner. Particularly in case of women, they have a very clear list of “NOT’s”. The hard part is always along the way, we fall in and out of love and then hunt for the same love, which is the recipe for disaster and the whole range of invariable human emotions that comes with this process of finding the right person.

I’d still say, enjoy the process with the hope, we are destined for the best.

Till then, “IN THE PROCESS” status may help.