'Semi Boyfriend' or DTR

Reproduced from www.timesofindia.com
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life/relationships/man-woman/Semi-boyfriend-DTR-/articleshow/5568943.cms

It's that time of the year. Love is in the air, on the cards, in your face, everywhere. Except where it's meant to be. Going by the lingo that's popular these days, that crazy lil' thing called love is all set to be e-dumped ...

IT'S COMPLICATED

When butterflies flutter in two stomachs and even friendly high fives send electric shocks to the heart, how does one explain the status when there is no official acknowledgement or exchange of the L-word ?

The creators of Facebook should be given a medal for pioneering a clever answer to this perplexing question: It's Complicated. The best part is that it's open-ended and can take any meaning you'd like it to take. In fact, it's probably more versatile than Naseeruddin Shah. Not only can it articulate the ambiguous state between friendship and being in a relationship, it can also be used to indicate that a relationship is in the gutter. For some pathetic relationship addicts, it's a perfect cover when they're afraid of being called single.

SEMI-BOYFRIEND /GIRLFRIEND

This relationship status is based on Newton's first law of inertia. It is usually used to denote a potential girlfriend or boyfriend. The potential could have risen from one-sided love and, in some cases, two-sided lust. The semi-boyfriend / girlfriend could be a great friend who you care about, but are not horribly attracted to. It's not unimaginable to see yourself with the semi-boyfriend /girlfriend. It's a stage defined by contemplation, where you're constantly in two minds. "He's a lovely person but might not be the one, she's a great girl but I might look better with someone hotter." Experts say that if this stage exceeds its trial period, there is danger of it never ending.

DTR (DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP)

DTR is the dream of every smitten semiboyfriend /girlfriend. It's when cuddly movies and cosy dinners are interrupted by 'the conversation' . It's usually a loaded exercise of compartmentalisation. Are we friends? Are we friends with benefits? Or are we seeing each other? The idea is to provide clarity on the relationship status and especially on the issue of monogamy. DTR could sneak up on you anywhere: in the parking lot, in a packed party and even a movie theatre. Experts say that the highest number of instances have been recorded at sit-down dinners. There's nothing romantic about it, it's pure negotiation.

GOING UNSTEADY

Back in the 1990s, 'going steady' was a wideeyed expression to suggest that two people were seeing each other. The fact that the college stud mostly rode a bike gave it all the more legitimacy. Some mummies and aunties still love to sprinkle gossip with 'going steady' .

But we are now in 2010 and you're more likely to hear 'Going Unsteady' . It's the logical opposite of 'going steady' , and translates into a relationship being on the rocks and is usually the sequel to 'It's Complicated' . It's an announcement of the possibility of opening up to other options to make sure that the exboyfriend and ex-girlfriend are on their toes.

SHE'S HYPHENATED

How does one tell whether a woman is single or married? No need to rudely stare at her chest in search of a mangalsutra or grab her hand to check if she's wearing a ring. Just ask her name. Gitanjali Shah-Chopra ? Dude, she's hyphenated. Time to make a run for the nearest door. More and more married women today love to add a double barrel in their names: name, maiden surname-husband's surname. The noble cause behind the widespread hyper hyphenation is to not lose one's maiden individuality, but it's also doubling up as a handy tool for ring detection.

NEAR-SIGHTED DATE

When the search for a soulmate went virtual, the erstwhile blind date was elbowed out by the nearsighted date. Now prospective lovers would rather spend time enlarging thumbnail display pictures than rely on imagination and God's grace. When two people who have been flirting online finally meet face to face, the guy doesn't need to be wearing a red tie to be spotted in the crowd and the girl can also leave her red dress at home. But even if the intention is to induce the love bug, several near-sighted daters have reported that it could lead to disappointment because of misleading documentation. In one case, the profile picture of a near-sighter was three years younger, 10 kg less and five hair colours old.

E-DUMP

This new-age phenomenon usually follows a nearsighted date gone wrong. Flirting is brought to an abrupt halt, suddenly the exnear-sighter is repulsive. That's when one ping is employed to pull the flush on the relationship. Sometimes, e-dump can also be expanded to include text messages.

Those who have been e-dumped say that this is the worst kind of dumping and e-dumpers don't have the courage to dump face-to-face and are afraid of confrontation. But several e-dumpers say that it's the simplest way to pull the plug on an unwanted relationship because it's simple, quick and doesn't involve tears.

ATTENTION WHORE

The Attention Whore is like the plague, can often spread through exposure to a contaminated person. Symptoms include being uncomfortable in situations where one is not the centre of attention, inappropriate sexual behaviour, bipolar display of emotions, self-dramatisation , animated expressions and considering relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.

In the online world, the status message is an important weapon of mass destruction and in the offline world, tools like physical intrusions into parallel conversations are commonly employed. Beware! The Attention Whore steps her game up in the run-up to Valentine's Day.

ENRAGEMENT RING

The enragement ring is a piece of jewellery, typically a ring, that is purchased for a girlfriend in an effort to make her happy after an ugly fight. It's whipped out when animosity is at its peak. It's produced when sweet gestures have been scoffed at and phone calls rudely cut. It's used when the only hope to salvage the situation is the enragement ring. Sometimes the enragement ring is embossed with a witty or snappy personal message. Enragement ring addicts swear that it works like a charm but the key is to not use it too often.

BUSINESS SHOWER

When you're married, employed and late for work, take a shower with your partner. This is not a recipe to get fired but just another byproduct in the age of DINKs. The business shower is about saving time (and water) and is entirely devoid of any sexual connotation. Two people zip into the bathroom, do their deal and zip out with equal ease and casualness. Romance can be kept on hold because a man's got to do what a man's got to do and a working woman's got to do the same.

Law and Justice

Justice truly changes the social fabric the way we live, trade, societal, marital status. Law and Justice, make a nation. Otherwise we are just a piece of mark on paper like Iraq. Gone are the days when the rich and powerful twisted the law with their hand fists. Now India is an emerging economy. Besides economy the rules and forces governing the traditional rules of money lending, social strata are transforming and shedding its archaic practices.

Last week, there were different Judgements taking about family, business and politics. One talks about the change in banking system, the second questions talks about identity after divorce and the third one, SC seeks advice to define and categorize the political activities.

………..

Giving a body blow to banks, Banks cannot prosecute borrowers under the stringent anti-cheque bouncing laws if blank post-dated cheques issued by them as collateral security are dishonoured.

“Law-makers must not have intended or imagined that money lenders or banks would obtain blank or post-dated cheques while sanctioning/disbursing loans as securities and would use them to make debtors/borrowers repay the loan under threat of prosecution and punishment (under the cheque-bouncing law),” added the judge.

It is a very significant right granted to a consumer. I have worked in financial services industry. The personnel in the industry are extremely hard working and design some of the most intelligent products in the market (amongst all the other consumer goods, products and services) and possess the expertise to sell them but not in servicing or redressing the monsters they themselves produce. Account holders at times, are themselves not aware for what they are paying and how much they are getting.

……….

Name is the identity of the human being and at times, it testifies as a symbol, process, era, dynasty, profession, discovery, evolution, theory, science, knowledge. But we are talking about the case of normal human beings, whose only identity is the name and not some mumbo-jumbo besides the name. A human being is named by his parents, relatives or siblings and the surname, which describes the broader essentials of our surroundings, the place where we belong to, our history, our caste (more importantly in India), our food, our habits, maybe even our desires or the broader characteristics of a human being.

We transform or undergo, maybe once, none or several times in our lifetime. A woman suffixes another surname to her name after marriage. I somehow feel it’s parochial to change the name. We may get over this practice till next generation evolves or by the turn of this century, who knows. The past forty years have been witness, when the whole World has undergone transformation in such a tremendous way. We have broken all the practices, rituals, customs, traditions, myths and dogmas created in our society.

Mumbai High Court has hinted something in that context, which may break our present rules of the societal fabric. A female cannot her husband’s name after divorce.

“By using the ex-husband's name or surname, there is always a possibility of people being misled that she is still the wife, when in fact she is not,”' said Vachha (the Judge). The HC upheld the family court order and said it need not be interfered with but should be given effect to “for all purposes”.

………..

Once I declared in my school class, that I want to become politician. Next day, my parents were summoned by the school to discuss the serious trouble with this child, when everybody is talking about becoming doctor, lawyer, scientist, architect, etc. Why? My teacher reasoned, politician is not a profession, neither a job nor a business. It is taken by the powerful and ruffians. I reasoned it is a profession, except its rules are still to be penned into a book. A job to create more jobs and a business to give and take more out of other businesses. Guess what? She felt this child has ruined all she had taught and may carry few more in that ditch with him.

Mayawati, the trademark owner of an elephant. The princess, rajkumari, Prime Minister, Chief Minister, a saviour, a politican, a dacoit, a diety, didi, behanji, whatever you may call her, there will be millions in UP worshiping or look upto her in every form. It is not a small thing. It only takes the brave and the intelligent to become politician. She was ready to auction Taj Mahal’s surroundings and hell one can just imagine what she can possibly do, perhaps she herself is not aware about. I just wish, if she can undertake few positive things.

SC also felt something like this, its not good to banter a seasoned and dynamic politician like her esp. after reprimanding the Chief Secretary of Uttar Pradesh, not one but several times, it hardly serves the purpose, but to seek opinion and rather build consensus from different Govt. authorities for her unscrupulous and nation destroying activities.

Mayawati is trying to immortalizing herself, the elephant and Ambedkar. Even if elephant becomes extinct like we are talking about tigers, we know we can give our children a life size replica of the animal at any Ambedkar Bhawan, any Mayawati Park, or some BSP related name in UP.

Perhaps, we can only hope that the apex Court is able to teach some lesson to the likes of Mayawati.